I’m a white girl with fair skin living in Sweden, let’s just
say I ‘pass’ pretty well here. Throw in the fact that I have a rather odd
accent when speaking Swedish (people have asked if I am from Gotland several
times) and most immigrants assume I am Swedish – and many Swedes have said it
took them awhile to realize I am foreign. Fine. OK.
But then I had Little Swede – and I went from speaking a
large percentage of Swedish all day, to speaking English out in public ALL the
time. After 10 years of passing, I stick out again. And it is weird. And
people’s reactions are weird.
There are those who are freaked out – like the librarian who
went around telling everyone in Swedish that there was a play in the other room
if they wanted their children to attend. The one who avoided me at all costs
until everyone else had left the room. (We knew about the play and were not
planning to attend). Now my dilemma – do I say something off-hand to her in
Swedish to relax her? Finally she came up to me, after walking back and forth
to our table 3 times before she said in English that there was a play going on.
There are the frustrated Iranians – Seriously, I don’t know
if it is only me, but many Iranian men want to stop and talk about politics
when they hear me speaking English. This is not a bad thing, I love talking
politics. And I am always interested in hearing their stories. It is a strange
thing to be asked ‘Are you American?’ after 11 years of living in Sweden, but
when I answer yes, I am always surprised by the stories they tell. Most are
Mujahidin disappointed in the lack of American support.
Scaring the other foreigners – I don’t know what it is about
speaking English, but I speak it louder. And when I am speaking it with an
American other than my son, I speak it much louder. And sometimes, when I am totally
relaxed and letting my Swedish social guard down? I speak it like I would at
midnight at a diner, where we have stopped after having a few drinks, over a
cup of coffee and some curly fries. That is pretty loud. This behavior
sometimes gets me some odd looks from other foreigners. Or they markedly lower
their voices and thus, I am reminded ‘I am STICKING OUT’ again.
It is strange to ‘become American’ again – and as much as I
try to ‘keep my voice down’ it is who I am.
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haha fun! And interesting. The fun part is that you tell that you speak louder when you speak with other Americans. Since most Europeansreally think that Americans are extremely loud (in general) to the point of being obnoxious... ;-) But I really think that's true. The loudness. I think a lot is noisier here than in Europe actually. The cars, the people, the commercials.... Simply different culture. :-)
ReplyDeleteOoh yes, I've been watching some American TV online (shhh) and the commercials are SO annoying-- in the US you don't stand out soo much being loud -- but here everyone gives you the 'I'm not staring at you, I'll just stare a little to your left and make an angry face' if you get too loud. I do try to keep it to a minimum.
DeleteYes, I do think it would be a good idea to say something in swedish in situations as with the librarian. Many swedes are uncomfortable speaking english, even though they do it at an ok level, and they will most likely feel more bad if they realize that they could have used swedish. I know I would feel very stupid, I don't even know why... Actually, come to think of it, it's not just speaking english, the risk of speaking english when we could have used swedish could stop me too from approaching someone... Again, don't really know why, but it's a strong feeling.
ReplyDeleteThanks, I usually try to do this if possible, but sometimes when people so go out of their way to avoid eye contact, I figure they do not want to be spoken to and I just leave them alone. Maybe I should take the chance and speak more often. In all honesty, I think part of the reason I fit in pretty well normally here in Sweden is that I am rather shy, and the 'not speaking to random strangers' thing is something that meshes very well with my personality....
DeleteAnd, even though you don't mean it that way, it is considered a bit rude to be too loud. You are claiming too much of the public space, if you get me, by sound. Less so out in the open, mor so on the bus for example, but it's a factor. And one of the reasons that americans in general can be considered a little rude. They take up too much space, not neccessarily physically.
ReplyDeleteHmm interesting, I have not heard that take before, but it really makes sense. I do try to keep my voice down, and it comes naturally when I am speaking Swedish, but with English less so. But the idea of space is certainly true, I do try to avoid talking on a bus...
ReplyDeleteI'm really interested as to why you don't speak to your son in swedish when you are out. Maybe it would be good for both of you to do so, although it's quite hard to keep it up because sometimes you forget. We lived in Belgium for a while and always spoke to our son in french outside the house. Yes, even in England americans seem loud. Lovely - but loud. I sometimes wish they came with volume control, particularly the teenagers. I wonder why it is?
ReplyDeleteI remember reading a really interesting op-ed in the NYT on loud Americans, but cannot seem to find it. Something about how many people think Americans speak loudly because they want everyone to hear them, but in reality they just don't care who hears them. I speak English to my son always, (unless I get stuck switching from Swedish/English because that is sometimes tricky!) because it comes naturally to me and it feels weird to speak Swedish to him. Also he gets a ton of Swedish at school, from friends, family and his Dad, but right now only I speak English to him regularly (I am not concerned about him picking up language skills in the future, but I want him to be able to communicate with my family now). In his class there are 3 other half American half Swedes and he has the most English so far, so I will keep it up.
DeletePlease do not stop being american, do not adapt to how swedes are. Swedes do not know how they are, they believe it is somehow considered rude to be "loud" and the believe that swedes by nature are very quiet and all that. That is not really true, this is some kind of modern thing that swedes do not know how to talk properly in any way. The cause for this is probably political but that is another discussion.
ReplyDeleteSwedes can no longer talk properly in any way. That goes for other scandinavians too. We could, once. Like 50 years ago or more and before that. It is not just the volume, it is also the pronounciation and the whole rhetoric/technical bit. We can not do any of it. We mumble, slur, speaks to fast and can not express ourself. This is even more evident for someone with a hearing impairment such as myself. I think it is a combination of lack of skills and being afraid of our own voices, we are inhibited. I also speak badly myself, even though i am soo extremely aware of this since i suffer it every day when trying to understand other people. I really hate myself when people do not understand what i say.
Old swedes (born before the 50-60s) can speak properly, and that is not because they have bad hearing but they have gone to proper old schools and grew up in the old society were the teachers, parents and authority figures said "speak up and stop mumbling." We younger generations since the 60s never got to learn or hear any such thing. On the contrary we have been taught to be insecure and ashamed. Afraid of speaking up, afraid of being heard and lacking the skills to speak both rhetorically and grammatically. also, it is considered "cool" to mumble and speak fast and incomprehensible.
This is not how we "are" by nature, this is how we have been shaped. This is not a good thing to adapt to, it is a serious flaw. Speaking properly is not being noisy or loud, it is being clear and well pronounciated.
Just my thoughts on this. :)
Thanks for taking the time to comment. This is really interesting, especially since 'my Swede' is not quiet in the least -- in a good way, I think. I have a feeling the younger generation may not be so quiet in the future either (or is it something they would outgrow?). I would be really interested in hearing about your idea of this being political -- tied to Folkhemmet in some way? I think the evolution of language away from the technical is something common in many languages -- the death of the adverb in English drives me crazy!
DeleteVery interesting! I have lived in the US over 30 years and I have become totally American. I am loud, laugh a lot, talk to strangers in stores or on the T. All this in Swedish. The Swedes think I am drunk! I love it.
ReplyDeleteOr Anonymous 3:34 is being a trolly Old People; My dad was born in 1931 and my mom in 1942, and while my mom is loud, it's mainly because she has spent 20+ years of her life in front of a class room. I think anon is confused because prior to the naturalistic movement in film, actors tended to TALK LOUDLY and ov-er en-ounc-i-ate, like theater actors who need to be heard over a full house. it's still amusing to watch a movie from the forties and be unable to pay attention to anything but the wonky speech patterns - but that has little to do with how ordinary people spoke.
ReplyDeleteThere's a difference between being quiet at home and in public, too; in Sweden it IS considered rude to be loud in public, and we tend to be obsessed with piece and quiet (something I personally think has to do with the land reforms of the 1700s breaking up villages and habituating people to being on their own.) There's not a week passing without someone Swedish on my twitter feed complaining about someone whisphering to loud in the Quiet Compartment of the train. I am going to back to Sweden to visit in less than two weeks, and the general quiet is something I look forward to, along with people hurrying the hell up and not wearing fleece jackets in the middle of the city (said the Seattle girl)
Haha -- I love me some fleece jackets and I'm not even from Seattle! ;)
DeleteI do understand the peace and quiet - the silence on the buses is often deafening. Interesting point about film, I haven't seen much other then Bergman.
As for the quiet car, that thing is sacred... after a long day and with a long commute I have got my 'poison dart stare' good to go at anyone who speaks in the quiet car!
Hello, I´d like to make you a question in private. Could you provide me your e-mail address? Thank you very much :)
ReplyDeleteMayra
you can see it to the right, in the about me section!
Delete