Fun with Swedish pregnancy words

I’m still here. I am still pregnant. But as the days tick by my ability to concentrate on anything other than how uncomfortable I feel is quickly fading. That and fighting with a sick Little Swede (well not really fighting more like plopping in front of the TV trying to avoid feverish meltdowns) and having a house full of guests means that every minute I have to myself I am hiding under the covers. And seriously those minutes I don’t have to myself, you may also find me hiding under the covers.

Anyways, pregnancy terms seem to be universally bizarre. In English, I could say that every day as of late begins with the frantic hope that today will be ‘the bloody show,’ a beautiful term for what is also referred to as losing your mucous plug – which is usually foreshadowed by such endearing wonderful events like lightening crotch (just what it sounds like) and Braxton Hicks – the feeling of carrying a bowling ball around and then spilling pretty much everything you eat into your lap because you constantly forget that your current diameter is so great.

But Sweden is not without its Pregnancy vocabulary beauty – and the Swedes seem to do it much better.

1) Moderkaka – This is the Swedish word for placenta – although placenta remains the medical term, so if you slip it in now and then with a Swedish accent (as I have been known to do) they will understand you. Moderkaka translates to Mother cookie, or Mother cake - if you are one of those people who has ever actually managed to solve the mystery of kaka vs. tårta.

2) Livmoderhalsen –The Throat of the Life Mother is what the Swedes call the cervix. So much more hopeful and optimistic.  Oh please, throat of the life mother, I hope all of these ‘sammandragningar’ or the drawing together of my life mother (aka uterus) are productive enough to make you open.  I am not sure what the word for effaced is, so I don’t know how you would explain how effaced the throat is, but really the Swedish midwives do not seem concerned about that at all.

3) Bröstvårt – After my baby arrives --- hopefully today so it can share a birthday with my hero, Kyle Maclachlan, (The Swede already said we could not name the baby Kyle or Maclachlan) – I will immediately place them to my breast warts so as to develop a healthy breastfeeding relationship. This one, for me, does not do as much visually as cakes and life mothers. Breast warts sound a bit icky. But, hey, we’ve all go them. So maybe they are not icky?

Also, I know my grammar is often lacking in these posts, but please keep in mind that sleep has eluded me for the past week. I cannot lie down anymore (except when maybe hiding under the covers), and sitting around being pregnant is a terrible full time activity.