Yes, You Can Eat That - Mushroom Hunting in Sweden

“Some of my friends are going mushroom hunting this weekend, want to come?” The Swede innocently asked me probably too many years ago than I am willing to admit.

“I don't want to die.” Or something equally dramatic was probaby my answer.

I spent my childhood going on the occasional woodland romp or park excursion, but mostly I did New Jersey Girl Scouts, which means arts and crafts, baking and the occasional tenting in our fearful leader's backyard. (I hated it and quit early once I realized I would never sell enough cookies to win that goddamn rainbow hangy thing).

One rule was universal. Every Mom in the neighborhood and every scout leader repeated it. Do NOT eat ANYTHING you find growing outside. This PARTICULARLY means mushrooms. Mushrooms will KILL you. But berries, too. While they might not always KILL you they will make you very very very sick.

Cut to Sweden. I was out orienteering with my 7 year old niece. (She was guiding me through the woods). She bends down and goes 'Here have a blueberry!' and my first instinct is 'NOOOOO'. But I am learning, really. I tried it. And ate quite a few. They were good. I hope I won't be the first case of Heartworm in Sweden.

But back to the mushrooms.

First The Swede tells me, don't worry, we will only be picking chanterelles, they are easy to spot. Promise. And they are because they are very distinctive looking. But then he also notices these other mushrooms. The ones they call 'fake chanterelles,' or Trattchanterelles. I am worried about the name. Really? Fakes? That sounds poisonous. I think I will stick with the real deal.

We wandered the woods for awhile. Staring at the ground. Finding the occasional small gathering. And then, something magical happened. Once you see the mushrooms? You really see the mushrooms. They are everywhere. And OF COURSE you can see which is which. It's as obvious as telling the difference between two people sitting on a bus. They are both people, but they are not the same.

And so when we got all of our mushrooms home, I ate them, fake ones and all. I ate them despite the fact that I really don't like mushrooms (mostly because I feel they have the consistency of chewing on your own tongue).

Now we go out regularly to pick mushrooms. Now we have trained our dog to hunt chanterelles. Now I can tell a blueberry from a fake blueberry. I can spot a raspberry and vinberries. I know. To your average Swede that's a 'So what.' But for a Jersey girl? It feels like a big step!

It's August, and Everything Is Rotten in the State of Sweden or Swedish Old Wives Tales

I don't know if this is just my Swedish family or it is a thing. I did a preliminary google on it, but came up short. This is often due to my craptastic Swedish spelling.

But today is the first day of August - or what my Swede often refers to as 'Rotten Month.' 'Don't leave that out, it's Rotten Month,' he will proclaim as soon as I finish serving dinner. And the hot food he usually refuses to put in the fridge for risk of ruining everything else in the fridge is thrown in immediately.

I get the logic behind Rotten Month if it is an old wives' tale. August is frequently one of the warmest months and thus more food goes bad. But see, The Swede, who tends to be quite scientific and sensible, repeats this rotten mantra even when temperatures dip well into the teens in Celsius, or the 60s in Fahrenheit (as often occurs in Sweden). I point out that it was actually warmer in July and we were, while not careless, were not August careful with our food and no stomach bugs were caught.

The temperature, says the Swede, is irrelevant. It is August - it is Rotten Month - we must be prepared. So today is the first day of Rotten Month. The Swede missed dinner, but I dutifully refrigerated it for him. I don't mind doing so on days like today when it is indeed hot and humid.

So is this just my silly Swede? Is this a thing? Is there a good story behind it?

Swedish Butter - Probably The Best Stuff On Earth

Ah Swedish butter, how I have forgotten that it is true manna of the gods.

Growing up, Swedish butter was something we dreamed about. Seriously. In my house, my mother was always on a diet despite weighing all of 100 pounds. This meant mysterious American foods like 'Butter Buds' and 'Pam' which had 'All the flavor of butter' but none of the fat - or so they claimed.

The trips we took to Sweden were filled with Bregott's Extra Salted butter - because the extra salt meant you didn't have to refrigerate the butter. At our Swedish family's house they kept a tub of butter on the counter. And the father in that family? He heaped about a a centimeter high layer of butter on every slice of bread he ate. So when in Sweden I could butter my sandwiches 'The Swedish Way.' (This was second  only to when I got to get sugar cereals on my birthday - and by sugar I mean Honey nut Cheerios, not Cookie Crisp).

Since moving to Sweden, I've managed to wean myself from the Extra Salty to the Organic, but I still stick to Bregotts.

Except on this road trip. When some friends of ours, who joined us for a leg of the trip, were made responsible for refrigerated perishables. Turns out they are Swedish margarine lovers.  I guess someone has to eat Swedish margarine.

The first day I thought, 'This won't be so bad, it's just a few days.' But man, after the second day of margarine open-faced smorgas for breakfast, I was jonesing for some Bregotts.

I ended up getting a small container to tide me over. I don't know if there is anything quite like it in the States, since my exposure to real butter was pretty limited.

Swedish food: The Smörgåstårta or The Sandwich Cake

                                                      (image from facepunch.com)

It's spring – almost summer – and that means time for Swedes to whip out one of the few foolproof alternatives to herring as a celebratory meal – The Sandwich Cake.

Sandwich cakes look magnificent. They are beautifully crafted with seafood on top. They are colorful and artistic.

For years I have looked on in envy – since there are very few vegetarian sandwich cake options available at celebrations.

But then, about five years ago, my Swedish family decided I was worthy. And they crafted a Sandwich Cake just for me. And thus, these days, I have rather mixed feelings about the Sandwich Cake.

Here is my Sandwich Cake Pluses & Minuses list:

Positives:

1. I have never met a carbohydrate I didn't like. I admit it, I can live without candy, I can live without chocolate, but I am afraid I might turn to violence if I went on a carb-free diet.

2. They are beautiful – really – I love the craftsmanship put into the sandwich cake.

3. You can use Sandwich Cake to bribe your local police force – one of my favorite weird Swedish news stories: A young trombonist got his trombone stolen. He managed to track it and the thief down and he contacted the police. The policeman said he was very busy at the moment, but might be able to make time to get the trombone in exchange for a Sandwich Cake. The young man bought the cake, got the trombone back, and then got the cop arrested for bribery. The trombonist is one of my personal heros.

4. In theory you can really make any sandwich into a sandwich cake – the sky is the limit! This means there has to be some really good sandwich cakes out there. I just haven't met them yet.

Negatives:

1. Sandwich cake tends to contain a lot of mayonnaise, egg salad, cheese, creme fraiche and seafood or at least one of these items. They are often served during warm events and left outside for long periods of time. Every year there are at least five stories of widespread food poisoning due to sandwich cake at a party. Eat with caution.

2. I'm not a huge fan of white bread, unless it is thick and chewy – Sandwich cake tends to be made with Wonderbread like bread and covered in things like I mentioned above – mayonnaise, egg, cream cheese – it feels like a heart attack waiting to happen. I get that you can make these with whole wheat bread, I just haven't had that version yet.

3. Very few Sandwich cakes are vegetarian – but what can you do?

Feeling eager? Here is a link to a meaty recipe for Sandwich Cake and one for Vegetarian (in Swedish - try google translate). My Swedish family buys these giant slices of bread just for this type of thing, but I'm sure you could just paste together some regular bread slices. 

Swedish food: The open face sandwich or Smörgås

As it says at the top of this blog, it's the little things in a new country that can be the most jarring. This little thing isn't very distracting to me, or annoying, or a major improvement, I just find it one of those little quirky differences.

Most English speakers know the word smörgås because of Smörgåsbords -crazy buffets usually associated with cruiseships or sometimes used to metaphorically describe a wide assortment of things.

The word Smörgås is the Swedish word for sandwich, but it literally translates to 'buttergoose,' which leads to embarrassing escapades where I dance around my kitchen singing a terrible rendition of Wyclef Jean's Bubblegoose (but in all seriousness, was there ever a good rendition of this song) such as 'you can be at a party cutting loose and you can be snacking on a buttergoose' as my child eats a sandwich (yay for free therapy when he gets older).

But the thing about the Swedish Smörgås is that it is eaten open faced. You take a slice of bread, put some cheese, pickles, butter on top, and eat it (I skip the deli meat since I'm vegetarian). There are advantages to this technique. I find Swedish sandwiches less dry, because the filling to bread ratio is more aligned. But on the other hand it makes for some pretty messy fingers.

That said, for me the Danes take the cake in weird Scandinavian Sandwich eating rituals. When I was at a conference with several Danes - we were all in our early twenties. I watched in amusement as the Danes all neatly ate their sandwiches with knife and fork. I could not bring myself to conform - hell I was in Sweden, not Denmark.

Swedish food: The bagel drama continues

I admit – I am a total bagel snob. I grew up in the NYC suburbs (aka New Jersey) and bagels were a local delicacy. Oh how I miss curling up on a Sunday morning with the New York Times (I'm a Magazine, Book Review, Style kind of girl) and a plain bagel with a smear (that's a light swipe of cream cheese for you non-New York area natives).

When I moved out of the NYC area, I gave up bagels first. Because, lets face it, an Upstate New York bagel just doesn't cut it, and a California bagel? Why bother.

But man – I miss bagels. And so, yes, now and then, here in Sweden I try a bagel or two. I've even made my own. And they weren't half bad (mostly because it was my own blood, sweat and tears).

The Swedish idea of a bagel is generally a roll with a hole poked in the middle. Not bad if you like rolls, terrible if you like rolls, but crave a bagel.

Then I discovered the Espresso House bagels. Not half bad. They have a good solid consistency, they just lack the nice solid crustyness of a great NYC bagel. So occasionally I grab one with cream cheese for lunch. Yes, I lament that the smear is more than a smear but not quite a full serving of Cream Cheese. And that they insist on making them all whole-wheat and add a salad. But I can deal, because this ain't New York.

But then today happened – and I had a great laugh – because it was a fabulous addition to my ongoing bagel dramas.

I order a bagel at Espresso House.

“I have to warm it up for you, it will just take a minute”

(Previously at EH they have asked me if I wanted my bagel warmed and I always have declined. I cannot for the life of me imagine why you would want to warm a bagel already filled with CC and trimmings. I toast my bagels when they are getting a bit stale – but otherwise, nah- an always sans fillings)

“No thanks, I'll take it as is”

“But you cannot, it must be warmed, this bagel is only half done”

“I had the exact same thing last week and they said it was fine”

“Well, it should be warmed up.”

“OK, I guess I will try this bagel 'Swedish style'” (and I meant this, too – I do understand that things in Sweden are different, and not American – and despite my bitching on this blog – I do appreciate that the world is not the same all over)

“Oh no, this is how they do it in New York City”

“Excuse me?”

“Yes, this is how they serve bagels in NYC.”

“I see, have you ever been to NYC?”

“I have relatives in NYC”

“Good for you, but you see, I grew up there. And I have never had what you are describing to me.”

“Well, this is how they do it.”

I feel the bagel and it is cold. I comment on that. “I see, so are you willing to give in and let me heat it for you now?”

“Um, no – thanks.”

Then I came home and told the story to the 4 guests from Manhattan staying in my house. We all had a good laugh. No one had ever had a reheated warmed up cream cheese filled bagel.

The hunt for a good bagel is at least an amusing past time.

Swenglish lesson: One Chocolate Muffins, Please

Ok, this is one of those things that still makes my hair stand on end when I go to a Swedish coffeeshop (that and the round bread with a hole in the middle they insist on calling bagels).

What you should know about Muffins when in Sweden:

1. You always order in the plural – even if you only want one – you want one 'muffins' (ETA - that would be 'en muffins' in Swedish)
2. A muffins is a cupcake is a muffins – there is one word for the two foods – don't let it trick you up. You know how eskimos have like 30 words for snow – well, we Americans seem to know our small breaded cakes.

If you are obsessed with muffins and cupcakes, like I am, you will find yourself spending way to much time trying to figure out and then trying to explain to people the difference between a cupcake or a muffin. It seems deceptively easy at first – but then you find the exception (can a muffin have frosting? Can a cupcake be bear?)– and then things get tricky.

I am particularly bitter because the Swedish Nigella – aka Leila – led me astray one Christmas with a beautiful recipe for Christmas Cupcakes. If you look at this recipe you will notice the confusion from the get go – She calls these 'Christmas Cupcakes' and underneath it says 'maffiga muffins.' 

But after watching the food orgy of her baking these delites, I decided to make them for a visiting group of Americans for dessert. They looked great, they smelled great, we all took a bite and, well, they were muffins – not cupcakes – and while they weren't bad, they weren't desserty goodness either.

Basically I just miss being able to order something and know what I am going to get. But viva la difference....

5 Vegetarian Dishes for a Very Merry Vegetarian Swedish Julbord

Having spent many years celebrating Swedish Christmas with loved ones, I feel like I finally have found a pretty good spread for my vegetarian Swedish smorgasbord. Traditionally Swedes have almost no veggies on the Christmas spread – except for a brown cabbage dish which doesn't exactly dance on the plate.

I'm not a big fan of fake meats – so what you will see here are just veggie swap outs – flavourwise they are nothing to really write home about – but they look the part. Maybe try one or two for your vegetarian loved ones.

1. Baked Swede – A substitute ham – The centerpiece of the Swedish Christmas table is the ham. OK, so Tofurkey has scared off many a meateater from vegetarian substitutes. Instead of ham, I prepare a breaded swede or rotebega. In the past I have boiled my swede in a vegetable boullion. This year I might bake it instead, since the flavours are better. Then I baste it in egg with a click of mustard, and then roll it in bread crumbs. This slices up nicely and looks a bit like ham. It doesn't taste anything like ham though.

2. Vegetarian Swedish meatballs – OK, so this is a bit of a shake-up. If you like fake meat products, just buy a box. I make mine from scratch with chickpeas, breadcrumbs and an egg – for consistancy. I flavour it with traditional Swedish meatball spices like nutmeg – and a Swedish allspice we have at home. I used a basic falafel recipe and changed the spices.

3. Eggplant 'herring' – I pickle some eggplant to mimic herring. One of the common herrings is mustard herring. To mimic this I take a few tablespoons of mustard, a dash of white wine vinegar, 2 dashes of canola oil, half a cup of cream, salt and pepper. I use this to cover small strips of eggplant that I have steamed in my steamer. (I cut the eggplant to about the same width as herring). Place in glass jar and let chill in the refrigerator.

4. Jonssons Temptation -without the temptation – traditionally this is a potato casserole with some anchovis mixed in. I serve just a plain potato casserole as this dish. Any respectable recipe will do

5. Rice cereal – this is one of those few vegetraian dishes on the menu – I have seen it served as a starter or a dessert. In my home we cheat and use rice flakes that you can find in Swedish stores. This takes about 15 minutes to prepare. Here is a basic recipe if you cannot find the flakes

Traditionally you hide an almond in the cereal – and the one who finds the almond is the next person to get married (or to get a little prize). The cereal is served with cinnamon and butter on top, and some people pour milk or fruit soup (another Swedish specialty) on top.

So Enjoy! And hope you have a very happy and perhaps a touch of the vegetarian, Swedish Christmas smorgasbord (or julbord as we say here!)

A Very Swedish Christmas: The Gingerbread Edition

Ok, so I usually try to avoid the subject of Swedish food, not just because, as Bill Bryson wrote 'Eating in Sweden is really just a series of heartbreaks,” and he wasn't too far off. If the food doesn't depress you, chances are the bill will crush you. But also because I am a vegetarian, and this means I abstain from most of the Swedish classics. No herring, no herring, and no herring.

But baked goods I can do. And occasionally I try to do them myself. It's Christmas and that means Gingerbread, Lussekatter, and Glogg. Three things I can partake in – although I'm not a huge Glogg fan.

Many Swedish women get crazy ambitious at Christmas. As much as Swedes are all 'yay equlity' there is nothing like Christmas to bring out some old-fashioned gender roles. The many Swedish women I know end up not only baking all December long, but also making Christmas chocolate, hanging the Christmas curtains, and stimulating an economic recovery of enourmous preportions by buying all of the menfolk in their lives the Christmas Present of the year -the Surfplatta (read: Ipad – more on this weird present tradition soon).

Well, I am not quite so ambitious. And I am not trying to recreate a Swedish Christmas of yore. But I am home on leave at the moment. And these leads me to bake more often than usual. So I whipped together a lovely batch of Gingerbread cookies. But no, I am not Ingrid Svensson, so I did not just throw together a gingerbread house that was an exact replica of my own house, the local church, or a NYC skyscraper. In fact, I will not be baking a gingerbread house at all. Thank you very much. And these I just used a regular drinking glass to cut.

I modified a recipe (use at your own risk) to kind of Americanize these Swedish cookies by adding brown sugar (NOT BROWN FARIN!) if you don't have it, you can just use white sugar instead:

Please note: This makes a LOT of cookies!

300 grams of butter (room temp)

4 dl of sugar

1 dl brown sugar

1 dl light syrup

1 package of pepparkaka kryddor

1 tablespoon of Ginger

1 tbs baking soda

2 dl water

15 dl flour

1. Preset your oven to 225 C
2. Cream the butter, sugar (brown and white) and syrup in one large bowl.
3. Add the pepparkaka kryddor and the water, mix well.
4. Slowly add the flour, while kneading the mixture with your hands. When the dough becomes thick, remove from bowl and knead on a baking tray.
5. Wrap the dough in foil and let it rest in the refrigerator for 12 hours – 1 day.
6. Remove dough from fridge and roll it out in small sections – until it is a thin, even layer.
7. Use cookie cutter to cut figures and place figures on baking tray.
8. Cookies take 4-5 minutes to bake.
9. Let cookies cool – they can be frozen or stored in a sealed container for apprx. 1 month.
   Enjoy!