Swedish Parental Leave Benefits: A breakdown

Calculating Swedish parental leave is a science to itself. While I am 150% grateful to live in a country that considers Family Values to include families being able to afford spending time together as a family, it really takes a long time to figure out how all of this stuff works.

I will try to break it down here – but I will probably make some mistakes. If you want information directly from the source check out www.fk.se but ever since they added all of those stupid videos the site makes my eyes bleed.

So here are the basics and the more complicated aspects of Swedish Parental Leave:

Each family or couple is awarded 480 days of parental leave.

Of those, 390 days are at 80% of your pay rate if you have worked for a certain amount of time before you went on leave. The cap on this is about 428 000 SEK per year.

90 of those days are at the base rate of 180 SEK per day.

Of those 480 days, if there is dual custody (having sole custody is extremely rare) than each parent is reserved 60 days of the '80% pay' days. This means that, typically, the father MUST take out 60 days of the 480. If he does not, those days are lost. But the same can be said of the mother, she MUST take out 60 of the days. This means neither parent can take out all of the 480 days.

The days are initially split in half, this means I was awarded 240 days and my husband 240 days. He needs to transfer his days to me if I want to stay home more than 240 days. But he cannot transfer more than 180 days.

You can use your parental leave days at any time until your child turns 8 years old. This means you can choose to save some, as we have, for future long vacations and such.

Your employer has to grant you up to 18 months of time off to care for your child full time after they are born. After that they have to allow you to bring down the number of hours you work per week from 40 (or 100%) to 30 (or 75%). You can use your extra parental days to cover the missing 25%.

Then things start to get confusing:

Your parental pay is based on what you have earned for the proceeding months you have worked. Since many new moms work less while having children, there are some protection methods in place so that you don't lower your parental pay.

If you get pregnant before one year and nine months after your last child, your rate of parental leave money stays the same. That means, if you work less it won't effect your parental leave rate. As long as you are 'busy' 5 days a week. By 'busy' it means you are studying, unemployed, collecting parental leave, or at work.

I haven't figured out all of the nuances yet. I'm hoping I will manage to do OK with my parental leave. I still have a bunch of days left I'm not sure what to do with. And I hate feeling like I 'must have a baby' within a certain time frame. But when you punch through the numbers it gets a little crazy.

Again – just a warning – please don't take this info as fact, double check everything. I'm still a little fuzzy on a lot of the details!

Sweden: Number 1 Place to Be a Kid, Number 4 Place to Be a Mom

There has never been any doubt in my mind that Sweden is a great place to start a family, and Save The Children's latest study only confirms that.

Although I am a little weary of the quanitification of children's well-being – I love the freedom, care and ability to 'just be a kid' that seems to be an essential part of Swedish childhood. That and the access to quality health care without the stress of worrying about being hit by strange bills, quality daycare, schools (although I'm still not 100% sold on the Swedish approach to education), and University education.

As for being a Mom – well what can you say – I'm still enoying several days a week of maternity leave.

Back in the US when people would start talking about Family Values I would usually check out because I figured the conversation would segway into religion and traditional values – something that isn't too high on my priority list. But living in Sweden has really shown me the importance of Swedish Family Values – and that is TIME with your FAMILY!

I think if Save the Children also had a 'Best Place to Be a Dad' Sweden would at least make the Top 5, if not the top spot.

Sadly the US fell into the 30s in both categories. (ETA UK was in the teens)

Check out the study here.  

Familjeliv.se - land of Swedish drama

When I was pregnant I discovered this fabulous website, familjeliv.se, thanks to a great tip from The Swede.

Unlike the US where moms (and very rarely dads) flock to websites that stick to their ideology – crunchy moms hang out on mothering.com, mainstream moms go to thebump.com, Swedish moms, and a few brave dads, all seem to congregate on familjeliv.se. And my goodness does much great drama ensue.

Thanks to the wonderful world of technology, you don't need to understand Swedish to enjoy this site, you can use google.

There are a few common categories on familjliv.se of posters. And one of the things I appreciate most about the loyal participants is that they are willing to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. So many posts scream 'Troll seeking attention' to me, but they get tons of serious answers. So, if you have any really odd, out there, question – you can try to get feedback on familjeliv.

1) The passive-aggressive I'm not judging you judge

These participants want to criticize someone, but just can't seem to do so outright. Instead they usually post a poll and a question that goes like:

I am a little unsure about my strange new American neighbor. Maybe this is how they do things in the US, but she keeps dropping her child on its head off her balcony on the second floor. I know in the US they do strange things like feed their newborns coca-cola from a bottle and McDonald’s Big Macs in puree, but this practice looks particularly dangerous. Do you think this is weird or is it just me?

2) The confrontational:

They love to take the bull by the horns, and don't hop around the subject like PAJJ. They start subjects with names like: 

Old Mom – why do you insist on having babies? Or equally, Young Mom – Why do you insist on having babies? This usually inspires at least 234 responses.

3) The 5 full time housewives of Sweden:

Housewives in Sweden are notoriously rare. The Swedish system isn't built for it and very few women choose to self-identify as housewives. The five women who do, though, can all be found full time on familjeliv.se. This is where they can constantly remind all of the other Moms about how terrible it is that they let anyone ever watch their children. There posts look like:

Why did you even bother having children if you knew you would have to go to the bathroom? I would never, ever, never leave my children alone for even five seconds. I wear a catheter and a bag, since I would never ever allow my children to be with anyone other than me, ever.

Looks like fun doesn't it? I admit, I am often too embarrassed by my poor Swedish writing skills to post. And I'm not a huge fan of participating in drama. But I do enjoy watching it now and then.familjeliv.se

Breastfeeding in Sweden

Sweden is often held up as a shining beacon of breastfeeding light when discussions of breastfeeding rates come up in the US and other countries. And yeah, probably if you haven't given the subject a millisecond of thought it hasn't popped up on your radar at all.

Having spent almost a year now with this being a big part of my life, I thought I would sound off on my experience here. Here are a few things I learned along the way.

• It is assumed you will want to breastfeed – I was asked about my feelings about this once, at my first midwife appointment. After LO was born, I was shown how to breastfeed without anyone asking if I wanted to or not. As I mentioned before newborns aren't swaddled – there is skin to skin contact to ease breastfeeding – and all of this happened immediately after birth – before weighing, measuring, cleaning, etc.

• Here is a brochure you can read – if you have any questions call! This was about the amount of info I got after LO was born. To be fair it was swine-flu season so there were no parenting classes before the birth. I also had a ped appointment for a few days after I got home, so we weren't entirely on our own. I also could call and meet with a lactation consultant whenever I wanted – for the cost of 10$ per meeting. There were also lactation consultants on staff at the 'patient hotel' we stayed at for 2 nights after the birth. I did consult them and they were great.
  
  
• How dare you suggest I pump! - Pumping is pretty rare – probably due to the generous maternity leave. A politician was lambasted during the last election when he suggested that breastfeeding moms could still share parental leave with fathers, by pumping at work. He went on to point out that this was the strategy he and his wife used. Mothers throughout the land were infuriated.

(IF YOU DO PUMP – Are in Sweden – And have a good supply – Contact your local hospital – due to low pumping rates, breast milk donations for preemies are at an all-time low and they welcome donations with open arms)

• Why wouldn't you nurse in public? - In Sweden, the attitude toward the boob is different. Seriously, they are everywhere – in often very non-sexual ways – and it's not a big deal. You will be stared at if you wear a nursing burka USA style. If you are shy and your child will oblige lay a small cloth over your shoulder/baby – but nothing dramatic. And no – it's not because Swedish ladies want the world to see their boobs, it's because they just wanted to keep their baby fed and not be chained to the house all day.

• At six months, you're done - Many Swedes reach the 6 month mark and abandon ship. They switch over pretty quickly to an all solids diet and lots and lots of Valling.
  
  
  
  
  
  

Big Brother is Watching – He's just not paying any attention

One of the things that takes a little getting used to in Sweden is the usage of one's personal number. If you move here for any length of time, you are given a number, which you use as your identity for everything.

This is particularly intimidating for us Yanks, I think, because this is often seen as one of the 'scary' aspects of socialism. The government sees everything you do – and can track everything you do.

How this plays out in Sweden, however, is pretty odd.

The truth is, I can go in and find out what all of my neighbors earned last year, and how much tax they paid, no problem. I also can pick up the phone, call my local government, and find out more about my neighbors – since Sweden has a very solid Freedom of Information act – I can get lots of details (albeit not their medical information or other confidentially ruled items).

But, strangely enough, every year I read an article in the paper that there just aren't enough places at the local daycare centers for the little kiddies.

Now here is the deal, Sweden provides wonderful subsidized daycare for all kids between 1-6. You get 40 hours a week, and pay roughly 1,000 SEK per month(this varies depending on how many kids you have in daycare at a time) – that's right, full time daycare for about 150 dollars. Yay, right?

And in each municipality all the pregnant folk have to register their pregnancy – even if they go through private care – the information is sent to the National Insurance Agency.

This means that 6-7 months before the kids are born, the municipality has a pretty good idea of how many kids will be born that given year. They then have one year after their birth to plan daycare adequate for all of the children. There is the option in some municipalities to decline a daycare place and take the subsidy instead for SAHM. But, let's be honest, you can get a pretty good sense of the amount of daycare places you will need 1.5 years before they are needed, all by taking a look at the information via personal numbers.

But every year, despite reports of baby booms – the daycare folk seem SHOCKED that there are so many kids turning 1 that year, and there aren't enough places to go around.

I'm glad big brother isn't all up in my business – but really, this would just be a simple and very helpful thing to accomplish!

Parenting – Swedish Style – Swaddling and other reasons why I'm glad I'm not a newborn

One big mistake you can make when raising a child in a foreign country – is reading too many books from your home country. The reason why this is a problem is because you find out, very quickly, that many of those 'shoulds' or 'musts' that all the experts recommend, really aren't a universal childrearing tactic. And lets keep in mind that Sweden isn't some third-world country, it is in the top 10 of great places to have and raise a child (officially the top ten referenced here exists only in my mind, but I'm pretty sure I've read that somewhere).

One of the typical American things that Swedes frown upon is the act of Swaddling. In the US, in most movies and TV shows, newborn babies are presented to their parents as tiny little packages of swaddled goodness in a hat. And I will make the giant leap to say that this is how it actually happens in many hospitals – and some of my friends have backed me up on this. In Sweden your baby is placed immediately on your chest, since this is ideal for breastfeeding, completely naked. And your baby remains naked until you dress them in the clothes you brought with you.

So what about the swaddle? Before LO was born I was showing some friends and family my babygear. I had gotten a nice miracle blanket for all of my swaddling needs. “Oh, a baby straight jacket.” “Oh how old fashioned,” they all commented. They all wrinkled their noses in disgust. Odd, I thought, since it seems like an average everyday thing in the US.

“Why not?” I asked.

“Would you want to be swaddled?” they replied.

“Well, no.” I answered. But there isn't really much about being a newborn that I would like to do. I wouldn't want to live on formula or breastmilk alone. I don't want to wear diapers. I enjoy being able to communicate my wants and needs with words. And I cannot wait to get back to a grown-up 8 hour sleep – this waking up every 3 hours is getting really old.

So there was no good reason not to swaddle – other than the old-fashioned straightjacketyness of it all. This is good, because sometimes the language of baby should's and must's gets pretty scary.

In the end we didn't swaddle. I could just never get the hang of it. But the few times LO was swaddled with the help of some of my visiting American friends, it worked like a charm.  

Swedish parenting tip - the Christmas Edition - Do you want to play with fire, little boy?

One of the many differences between parenting styles in the US and Sweden is the attitude towards danger and dangerous things. In the US, the idea tends to be to prevent access to dangerous things, or safety proof things to such an extreme that all risk is taken away. I am reminded of a scene in Jamie Oliver's food revolution where kids are prohibited from using dull knives at the lunch table, because children shouldn't have access to knives.

The Swedish approach is the opposite – teach children from an early age how to handle dangerous things, and they will treat them with respect. Thus, many Swedish kids learn how to use a knife to carve, and they learn how to play with fire.

Christmas season is candle season. Sweden is pitch black in the winter, from top to toe. While I'm sure things are much worse further north (did you know Stockholm is located in middle Sweden? There is still about half a country north of it), it is dark here from about 4pm to 9 am. Candles are necessary if you want to have any natural light. Candles are simply a part of the Swedish Christmas spirit.

Today my kid and I went to the Swedish institution known as 'the open preschool.' I'll write about it in more detail later, but it's a place for those of us on parental leave to bring our kids for more organized activities. So there we were, singing some nice little Swedish Christmas songs (which includes some strange version of 'in a cottage in the woods' but with Santa Claus rescuing the little bunny from the hunter) when the Pre-school teacher lit a sparkler that she had hung from the ceiling. Sparks flew and of course all of the little ones were completely mesmorized.

I felt like I was fresh off the boat. I don't think I have seen too many fireworks inside American preschools. One of the kids cried 'again! Again!' and, well, she repeated the whole thing again. It didn't seem too dangerous – some sparks flew, but nothing too big. Nothing caught fire.

Over the past few years I have seen kids under 10 engage in some pretty strange activities during school hours: making candles from scratch with huge vats of hot melted wax, very young kids lighting their own tea candles to brighten the morning darkness, carrying lit candles during St. Lucia parades. Each of these activities makes the American in me go 'but wait, something bad can happen!' but when I try to think of an example of that bad, I am left at a blank.

So, I guess I will just be grateful that my kids will grow up feeling comfortable with fire and knives. And hope they don't burn the house down in the process.

Parental tip: There will be Välling

If you have an infant in Sweden – chances are you have heard of the miraculous Swedish baby food also known as Välling. From around the age of 6 months and above, välling becomes the cornerstone of the Swedish baby's diet.

In the US we are taught that babies receive most of their nutrition until the age of 1 from either breastmilk or formula. But in Sweden, most of the old school nurses (who you meet with instead of peds) will tell you that none of that is really necessary. All a baby needs is a complete diet and lots and lots of välling.

Swedish parents swear by it as well. It is probably one of the things Swedish ex-pats miss the most when living abroad – since Välling does not seem to exist anywhere outside of Scandinavia.

So what is Välling? And why is it the liquid of the vikings?

Surprisingly, Välling does not fulfill many of the standard Swedish rules. Which shows just how important it is, since Swedes are willing to overlook these rules. 1) It is factory produced – you cannot make Välling yourself, you have to buy the processed form. 2) It is a WHITE product – not a dark, GI favorable food (although you can now find fiber enriched välling as well).

According to the nurse we see, Välling is a cereal – similar to feeding your child oatmeal. The main difference is that it is often wheat based. It is slightly thicker than formula, and fed to babies in bottles, often before bedtime. There is also quite a bit of palm oil and canola in most of the forms of välling. Most are also fortified, to supply all of the minerals needed in a balanced diet. And they contain powdered milk.

If we conduct a completely unscientific study and look at Swedes vs. Americans, despite the strange ingredients it appears Välling as a child does not leave you with a lifetime risk for obesity, and other illnesses. There was one study that seemed to show it can give some increase risk for gluten intolerance.

Personally, we haven't tried Välling in our house – but if we don't get some sleep around here soon, that might change.

Parenting tip #3 - Babies sleep better in the cold

Back when I lived in NYC there was the famous story of the Danish couple who left their baby in a stroller outside some restaurant. The couple was arrested for child abuse and the child taken away. In the days that followed the couple claimed that this was a common Danish tradition and they leave their child outside in Copenhagen. So why not NYC? 

To which all of us New Yorkers answered, 'well because it's NYC stupid.'

OK, This blog is not about  Denmark, but this behaviour is really common here in Sweden. Even in the midst of snow fall, and freezing temperatures, countless people leave their babies outside while napping. Why? Because, babies sleep better in the cold.

If you walk around my neighborhood – a bunch of hideous newly built houses (more on that later) with tons of young families - you will probably see a good 20 -30 SUV strollers parked outside in the snow. And if you don't have a house, you can always let your baby sleep out on the balcony. Seriously.

Despite this trend of leaving your baby outside – I cannot say that I have heard of a single babynapping in the years I have lived here. There have been freak accidents. There was a baby who was smothered to death by a cat in Sweden. A bunch of hooligans flipped over a baby into the snow in Finland, but the Mom found the baby shortly thereafter and everyone was fine. And if we go back to the Danes, a bicycle was stolen with a baby-carrying device attached to it. There was a baby sleeping in this device. The bicycle thief realized this a few blocks later and abandoned the bike. Baby was returned safely.

This might be enough to stop you from every letting your baby sleep outside – but when you think of how many babies are doing this around here – and how few accidents you read about – it seems pretty safe. I mean, bad things can happen anywhere, right?

I can tell you my little one is a horrible sleeper. But I haven't yet resorted to sticking him out in the snow and hoping it will help. Maybe I should try it one of these days?

Parenting Rule #2 Gender Bender

Parenting Rule #2 – Gender bender

You may have heard a bit about the fabulous gender equality that exists here in Sweden. And for the most part that is true. And it is great. (yes this is vastly simplified – more on the subject later). So, how do you dress your newborn/infant to reflect your fabulous 'I see no gender' mentality? It is a battleground.

Personally I am all for dressing kids in rather androgynous clothing. I hate pink, so don't buy until they ask specifically for it. I go for the middle ground – greens, reds, yellows, oranges – and hope for the best. If someone says 'oh what a cute little girl' about my son, I correct them and am not offended. Vice versa if they say the same about my daughter. Let's face it, for the first year it can be hard to tell, right?

But yes, I admit I have some gender goggles on. My first day at the 'open forskola' (a preschool that parents & kids go to together) I ran into plenty of little Eliases dressed in purple and pink. There were several Lovisa's in navy sweats and truck sweatshirts. And I stopped using any pronouns after the first five minutes because I kept getting it all wrong. And did I mention these were all first babies? I mean I understand if they had some hand me down 'gender specific' clothing – I totally get that.

In a way I was surprised at my reaction. I consider myself a feminist – and as I said – don't make an effort to dress my kids 'girly' or 'tough guy.' But I also don't make an effort to dress them in the opposite gender wear either.

I think it has to do with the fact that despite all the talk – there is huge gender stereotyping in Swedish clothing. Once my kids were older than 6 months it got progressively harder to find androgynous stuff. Sure, there is Polern and Pyret – but for those days that you don't want to spend 50$ on a pair of leggings they will outgrow in 2 months – what then? Maybe this is the parents rebelling a little from the trappings of the clothing companies?

A few months ago there was a story in the paper about a Mom who took it one step further. She didn't tell anyone the gender of her child – dressed them in androgynous clothing, and used a made up Swedish pronoun -kind of like calling your child 'Sho' in stead of He or She (Hen FYI). Way too exhausting for me.

So Parenting tip #2 avoid using 'He/she (and probably also sho)' when meeting babies for the first time – and think carefully about what social message your child's wardrobe is sending

Swedish parenting rule #1: The bigger the stroller the better

In Sweden the approach to parenting infants and toddlers is quite different from the US. There is a lot less emphasis on the 'stuff' and a lot more emphasis on time spent with the baby. Many of my Swedish friends, when having kids, didn't run out and buy a house, or a bigger apartment. They stuck around in their one bedroom apartments. 'Babies don't take up a lot of space' they kept insisting. 'They don't need space, but what about all their stuff' I countered. This got a lot of strange looks – 'what stuff?' They asked. And these babies are now a bit older, and they seem to be doing OK.

However, the one thing all of my friends did do was go out and by a crazy stroller. I mean a giant SUV of a contraption. None of them folded down to conveniently fit in a car with the push of one hand. Instead they seemed to be built to take up the most space possible. And they all came with a $1000 price tag.

I used to laugh at these contraptions, until I took my friend's daughter out for a walk in an umbrella stroller in February. Let me tell you, little strollers and cobblestone streets do NOT mix. I was terrified that my friend's child would end up catapulting into the street with every single bump.

So when it was time for me to buy a stroller, what can I say, I followed the masses and bought the absolute biggest stroller you ever did see. And you know what? I love it. I was out with my kids in the middle of blizzards, after blizzards, off-road, - my stroller is like a Jeep Wrangler. Those $1000 were the only big ticket item my kids got and man – it is worth every penny (or ore!)